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What I would never tell you...

I really don't see what the big problem is. I know there are tensions and all, but why can't you all just let go? Why do we have to act like we're friends - asking how your day went, blah blah blah - when we don't know /anything/ about each others' lives anymore? It's your fault. You chose to move on. There's no going back. You chose yourself. You chose to hide in your pathetic little shell. And I'm not saying it's wrong - but you can't say something and then do the opposite.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of having to act like my life has gotten so much better after you've left. Because it's not all true. I hate lying. I hate lying to you. I miss you and how considerate and kind you are. How you seem to know exactly what I need. Why? I really want to know, dammit. I've asked myself over and over, but I can't put myself in your shoes. I don't understand your perspective. Why couldn't you have chosen me? I would've dropped everything for you - and still will. If you just ask. But you dont ever ask - you don't ever need my help. Why is that? Why can't you lean on me like I did on you? Why is it, that it's only now that we're actually being friends?

Y'know what? I am utterly and wholly sick of you. I can't stand the sight of you. You look at me and you fucking judge me with your all-knowing eyes. You don't even KNOW me. You don't know the least bit of how I really feel, how I really see the world. To you, I'm just a selfish, money-obsessed, moody& self-centered bitch. I know. Do you think I'm blind, or deaf? Do you think I don't see how you look at me, how you act around me, and what you say about me? Well, to me, you're just a big, fat, ugly loser in the truest sense. If it weren't for her, I won't even notice you.

I don't know what you want from me. I can't read your mind, I can't fulfill your unspoken expectations. Maybe it just won't work. I knew that. You probably did too. So what's the point?

Oh god. You are...I can't even describe you. 4yi, I /hate/ clingy people. There's a difference between needy and clingy. And you, both of you, go overboard. First of all, I wish you'd just stop touching me. What? Do I look like the pitiful kind of person who needs you to distort my face? Second of all. it's your fault, yknow. It's your fault I don't hang around her anymore, when she was possibly one of the only people who really understood me, without words. You keep...parading...around her. Like a little puppy. She might've been able to stand it, btu I couldn't. I'm sorry.

Yes, you've admitted you had a big ego. and don't plan on doing anything about it. I know you don't care how many enemies you have, and probably gather them all around. But a lot of people look up to you. That much is obvious. But I wish you'd stop looking -down- on them. You don't deserve that. You have to stop being such a KIA, and acting all arrogant about things you know little about. Stop bragging about things like only /you/ know them.

Last of all. I can't count how many times you've let me down. how many times i've let you. I can't believe you're that kind of person. Perhaps it was better when we werent close friends, like before. Because you seem like the kind of person who thinks that just because you're close, it's more "okay" to be a bitch. You know how I hate people, how I hate everyone. You are no exception, and you overestimate yourself.

(yeah. that's 7 different people D:)

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